It has been a very long time since I took the time to write a personal piece about my thoughts and my professional journey.
Why this silence? Well… I became an entrepreneur in April 2017 when I created the Future Economy Studio. Since then, my life has been a giant roller coaster and an endless marathon. I have been “head down” and running for almost 3 years now.
I took many times to reflect on my journey and direction. But only today, I can start to make sense of it. Only now, I understand how it transformed me and what I have been through.
People say it is HARD to build a company. Elon Musk said as an entrepreneur you have to keep “eating glass” again and again. It is, in fact, much harder than I ever imagined.
I was never naïve about it. I never thought that success comes overnight. I knew it requires chance, passion, grit, and years to be successful. I tried to prepare myself for this endeavor. During the 15 years of my corporate career, I accumulated skills, competencies, and experiences that – I believed – would be useful as an entrepreneur.
Was I ready? Absolutely not… But you don’t learn to ride a bike by watching videos or reading books. The only way to learn is to give it a try again, again, and again until you are successful.
There are so many things that you go through as an entrepreneur that I am not sure where to start. In this post, I want to focus on the emotions associated with my journey. Here are the main words that come to my mind to describe entrepreneurship: self-actualization, insecurity, intensity, loneliness, and fun.
Self-actualization
I can fill my life with purpose. Our company, Positive Energy Ltd, has a bullish mission statement: “Reimagine the energy funding process to accelerate the deployment of renewable energy assets globally.” Today the negative effects of global warming are visible: record high temperatures, air pollution, wildfires, rising sea levels, permafrost disappearance, extreme weather events, massive extinction of flora and fauna. But our societies are still falling short of driving ambitious mitigation actions. This is a fight worth taking.
Insecurity
First, there is personal insecurity. Who are you to want to change an industry? Who are you to want to make a positive impact in this world? Who are you to know what needs to be done? Who are you to lead people in uncharted territory? Regardless of how confident you are about your abilities and decision-making process, an entrepreneur will always face doubts about himself or his choices.
Then there is the venture’s insecurity. Entrepreneurship is a true exercise of value creation. It is a true test of business abilities: do you create value for your customers? Are you somehow unique? Do you have the right team? Can you replicate this at a larger scale? Are you doing it profitably?
Positive Energy has been running lean for a very long time, and there have been countless times where we almost ran out of money. This has never reduced our motivation or our drive to move things forward. It is just the nature of a start-up. The scarcity of resources is paramount. Entrepreneurs are used to running at the edge of the cliff.
Intensity
How long and fast can you run? I went on this journey full speed and was never able to slow down. More than the very long daily hours, the intensity comes from the ‘mind-space’ taken by my work. As an entrepreneur, you have to make thousands of decisions, many of which have a tremendous impact on your journey.
The intellectual intensity is extreme. I have never thought so hard on issues and topics. I don’t mind the hardship. As an engineer, I love solving complex issues. But I found it challenging to put my mind at rest or to keep it open for other aspects of my life. Work-life balance is foreign; work-life integration is the only option, but maintaining “life” is the real challenge. My wife is my lifeline. She keeps me grounded and ensures our family still has the right place in the journey.
Loneliness
This is the one I expected the least. Since I started, I have always worked in teams with many different people, and I have met some amazing people along the way. Nevertheless, I have often felt very lonely. The Founder’s price? I think so. When you carry your vision, your project, a team, a company for months or years, always in the hardest times, you are left alone to face the obvious doubts or to make the hardest decisions.
My wife, my family, my co-founders, and my friends are always there to support me. Over these 3 years, I noticed that the people who are best at supporting and understanding me are also entrepreneurs. There is a special kind of magic when entrepreneurs meet. They share an immediate feeling of belonging and respect. It is maybe one of the most powerful but invisible alumni networks.
Fun
Truly it is. If you enjoy extreme sports, if you are an adrenaline junkie, if you enjoy the highs, the lows, and the unknowns, then entrepreneurship may be for you. There is not one day where I am bored or where I do not enjoy this journey. Sometimes founders are described as the ‘crazy ones,’ the ‘dreamers.’ I like to think that we are ‘Doers.’ We just enjoy doing things, putting our minds to it, and getting it done.
Now and then, my co-founder and I sit down and reflect on our progress. These are the rare times where we look back at what we achieved instead of looking at the immense quantity of work and challenges facing us. We usually smile and laugh for a few minutes before going back to work.
There is then an immense feeling of satisfaction. Positive Energy Ltd is now the largest digital platform for renewable energy investments in Asia , with almost half a billion dollars of deals. It is also the first company of this kind in the region. Financing these clean infrastructure projects would help reduce future Asian CO2 emissions considerably.
During the last 3 years, I have become much better at dealing with the ‘hardship’ of entrepreneurship. I still have much to learn. I will surely face even greater challenges that will test my grit and resilience again. But I feel more capable today than 3 years ago.
Maybe - as often - it is all about self-confidence.